The Apprentice Week 6 recap: At last – The Kurran Show!

·Contributor
Jackie seemed absolutely delighted with her Jet-Pop outfit. Will she get to keep it?
Jackie seemed absolutely delighted with her Jet-Pop outfit. Will she get to keep it?

The Apprentice has taught us to expect the unexpected. So when Lord Sugar invites the candidates to some unlikely location we have learned that the unlikely location will have no connection to the week’s task.

Except – plot twist – when it does. Take that, Apprentice-watchers!

The task was to launch a new niche airline. Or, at least, make an outfit and a video.

The ‘airline’ task is launched at an airport? No-one expected that!
The ‘airline’ task is launched at an airport? No-one expected that!

The most important Apprentice question

Here’s a question for all you regular Apprentice fans. When Lord Sugar’s tells the candidates that the cars will be outside in twenty minutes, is that 20 minutes plus the full hour of professional TV hair and make-up that they obviously get? Or does that happen at the far end?

Let us know what you think in the comments.

Bad luck, Camilla…

We always knew Kurran was going to be Collaborative’s Project Manager this week, so Lord Sugar jumbling up the teams at the briefing was particularly cruel.

Khadija, Daniel and Camilla were moved onto Kurran’s squad.

Camilla had already delivered the first absolute zinger of the episode when, in response to the suggestion that Collaborative didn’t have to worry about who was going to be Project Manager she pointed out – “You do have to worry, you just don’t have to decide.”

Because this week was absolutely The Kurran Show. Team Typhoon hardly got a look-in.

Me, me, me…

Kurran was delighted to be the centre of attention, and was every inch the vain, preening half-wit we were all hoping for.

Celebrating his coronation, he said “I feel that everything I have done in my life has led to this moment.”

Well, we don’t know what else has done but for the past five weeks he has done absolutely nothing.

Kurran was sure that developing an airline for the business traveller was the way to go. Daniel opposed him. Kurran did his hilariously theatrical ‘now I am thinking’ face for a little while, then caved.

Party it is.

It was a ‘no’ to Pangea…
It was a ‘no’ to Pangea…

Then it was time to pick a name for their imaginary airline. Kurran’s deliciously random selection of Pangea might have been the funniest suggestion had Camilla not piped up with ‘Strawpedo.’

Straw Paedo?

Continental fashion

They eventually went with Jet-Pop. Which as the whole of Twitter pointed out sounded a bit…explodey.

Kurran carried on sulking about Pangea for the next two days.

“What happened to Pangea?” he kept plaintively asking. No-one had the heart to tell him that it broke up millennia ago, causing several mass extinctions.

Meanwhile, Jackie had chosen a particularly strange outfit for the briefing, a kind of transparent pink shell-top sort of situation that left us all hoping that she wouldn’t have to get involved in any kind of fashion design task this week.

Reader, she did.

To be fair, they did test the ‘easy-off’ boob tube on actual aircrew. Who, being naturally diplomatic, didn’t say much. But got the idea across with a look.

Actual real-life aircrew were – let’s say sceptical – about the practicality of the Jet-Pop boob tube
Actual real-life aircrew were – let’s say sceptical – about the practicality of the Jet-Pop boob tube

Kurran left Camilla, Jackie and Tom in charge of creating uniforms for the aircrew while he went off to direct the advertising video.

Daniel had the temerity to ask Kurran if they would be following the storyboard they had written for the ad. “Not really,” said Kurran airily, insisting that whatever came out of his head would be immeasurably better.

‘Un film de Kurran Pooni’
‘Un film de Kurran Pooni’

The team had hired an actress to appear in the video – sending viewers scrambling to their ‘Who’s who in the Apprentice’ guides to find out if ‘Megan’ was a candidate they’d all forgotten about.

We took a short break from Kurran’s ego to see how the other team were getting on. Sabrina had made a good pitch for the Project Manager position, and got it, but Jasmine was putting all her energy into taking over.

At least it wasn’t ‘Shot Down In Flames’

Somehow, though, Jasmine was opposing all the wrong ideas, and letting through absolute stinkers like using AC/DC’s Highway To Hell through as the ad’s theme music.

And signing off on whatever that aircrew uniform was supposed to be about.

The ideal outfit for The Highway To Hell
The ideal outfit for The Highway To Hell

Back to Kurran’s ego though. We’re in the video edit. And Kurran is saying to the editor – right in front of his team-mates – “I will be managing the final edit, so if you hear a lot of direction please take my word as the final one.”

Then finishing the job by saying “great job, gang” as if he’d given them the slightest opportunity to have any input.

Ladies and gentlemen, the ego has landed.

Kurran’s ego never rested. Even when planning the pitch presentation he insisted on being introduced as ‘Captain.’

Tom revealed a complete lack of interest in fashion design
Tom revealed a complete lack of interest in fashion design

And, if he hadn’t alienated every Apprentice viewer by that point, he revealed himself as one of those people who can’t pronounce ‘without further ado’ properly.

Both pitches were – it’s fair to say – entirely catastrophic.

Pitches delivered, it was time to find out what the result was. Both teams performed pretty poorly – there were at least two career-ending decision on each side – but Lord Sugar arbitrarily sent Team Typhoon off for a lovely Chinese, and Kurran led Collaborative down to The Sad Café.

Kurran’s natural authority earned him the respect of his whole team
Kurran’s natural authority earned him the respect of his whole team

Let’s get serious

We’re at the half-way point now, and The Apprentice is getting serious. Even for the winners, the recriminations didn’t end after the result was announced. That friction between Jasmine and Sabrina will run and run.

Team Typhoon hired a <a href="https://uk.news.yahoo.com/bill-turnbull-delights-fans-return-063507728.html" data-ylk="slk:Bill Turnbull;outcm:mb_qualified_link;_E:mb_qualified_link;ct:story;" class="link rapid-noclick-resp yahoo-link">Bill Turnbull</a> lookalike to sit next to Kayode
Team Typhoon hired a Bill Turnbull lookalike to sit next to Kayode

And yes – Kurran is still banging on about Pangea.

But, when all the dust had settled, it was Kurran who left The Process. In his special actor’s scarf.

“Why yes, I AM an actor…”

You’ve got a friend in me

As always though, the very best moment was left until last. When Jackie was back at the house telling her defeated team-mates what an absolute liability Khadija was, only to leap into her arms as soon as she walked through the door.

Well, it’s not as if Khadija will ever see the show, right?

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