The Joy of Six: goals going in off the woodwork

1) Ronaldinho, Barcelona v Sevilla (2003)

The beauty of a goal that crashes in off the crossbar is that anyone can score one, but there are some players you would expect to do it more than others. Demba Ba’s nominative determinism aside, the outer reaches of the goal frame appeal to the game’s more expansive talents, seeking to paint every inch of their chosen canvas.

The 1990s were salad days for such players, whether it was Gheorghe Hagi apparently doing this on purpose, Eric Cantona using the far post as a yardstick or Roberto Carlos being Roberto Carlos. Ronaldinho was a 21st-century addition to this golden era of individuals; Pep Guardiola’s decision to boot the declining Brazilian out of Barcelona in 2008 signalled a new era. Ronaldinho’s irresistible, all-too-fleeting peak was over before he left Catalonia, having begun after an hour of his home league debut against Sevilla. The game kicked-off at 12.05am, the result of a scheduling squabble between the two clubs; given what Ronaldinho was about to do, perhaps it was best that it was played post-watershed.

Picking up the ball in midfield, he embarked on a long, lolloping run in from the left flank, appearing only half in control of the ball, his goofy gait belying a singular purpose. As the Sevilla back four began to think about closing him down, still some 25 yards out, he found the right moment to announce himself, deploying a missile bound for the underside of the bar. It ricocheted off its target, down into the turf and back up into the roof of the net to a split-second of stunned silence, before the crowd, the poleaxed Sevilla keeper and Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard were united in amazement.

It is an unwritten rule that shots cannoning in off the crossbar are just better, an aesthetic truth that doesn’t apply to, say, the net cord in tennis. Perhaps it is because of that moment of impact that the back of the net cannot always offer. Ronaldinho’s exocet makes three distinct sounds on its way in. Play it back; I’ll wait … Ronaldinho could have scored from 10 yards closer, or scaled back the power to pick his spot more carefully; Barcelona, after all, were behind at the time. Instead he hit maximum overdrive to score a goal you can enjoy watching, and hearing, over and over again. NM

2) Brian Bason, Chelsea v Carlisle (1975)

In case you missed it earlier this month in the Eredivisie, there was a moment of notable “initiative” from Ajax’s Joël Veltman. With his team-mate (and Chelsea loanee) Bertrand Traoré rolling around the turf injured, Veltman appeared to halt play, gesturing to his marker, Sparta Rotterdam’s Ivan Calero, that the ball in his possession should go dead. When Calero turned around to see what was what, Veltman sprinted on, delivering a dangerous cross into the box. “I was just being clever,” Veltman cheered afterwards. “I know that it was perhaps not the most beautiful thing to do but I can have a good laugh about it.”

The chances are, Brian Bason never intended to profit from an injury he sustained in Chelsea’s Second Division match against Carlisle. The chances are, with Ron “Chopper” Harris still on the Chelsea bench, Bason wasn’t faking it when he came off second best in a challenge with Dennis Harris, which left him limping and hobbling around the Stamford Bridge pitch. He did, however – just like Veltman – make the most of the situation, with Carlisle’s defenders appearing to write him off as a non-threat. Yet when Chelsea’s No4 received the ball from the late Ian Britton a few seconds later, something happened: Bason was healed and wasted no time (or any of the considerable space around him) in dispatching the heavy leather ball towards the underside of Carlisle’s crossbar, the ball then hurtling towards the ground, bouncing, and back up into the roof of Martin Burleigh’s net.

Some might say the greatest goal of Bason’s career probably wasn’t even the best goal of that match. Not two minutes later, Carlisle’s substitute, Mick Barry, latched on to a loose ball and first-time volleyed it into the top corner from 30 yards, again, in-off the bar . But for all its style and technique, it lacked the thwack, the contempt, the oomph that Bason’s right boot provided. Football is a game of simple pleasures. Graham Taylor admitted in the 1970s “that the sound of hitting a football thrills me … the sound of a football being struck.” And fortunately in 2017 – even through the medium of grainy YouTube videos – the sound of boot on ball, of ball on bar, is still enough to make your heart skip a beat. MB

3) Zinedine Zidane, France v Italy (2006 World Cup final)

It is fascinating logic from Zinedine Zidane, but does not make the fact that he had the stones to score a panenka against Gianluigi Buffon – then the world’s best goalkeeper – in a World Cup final any more believable. It is said that the greatest players don’t feel pressure like others do and that was certainly the case here – man-of-the-match Andrea Pirlo would later write in his autobiography that “I don’t feel pressure ... I don’t give a toss about it. I spent the afternoon of Sunday 9 July 2006 in Berlin sleeping and playing the PlayStation. In the evening, I went out and won the World Cup.”

Eventually the pressure did tell on the rest of the France squad in the penalty-shootout, and just like Zidane, David Trezeguet found the underside of the bar, although in a slightly different manner and with very different consequences: Trezeguet’s effort cannoned off the bar and landed a few inches in front of the line, just as Zidane’s sand wedge had landed a few inches behind it. But France’s defeat – indeed Zidane’s sending-off for his head-butt on Marco Materazzi – is another story for another Joy of Six and should not detract from the audaciousness of his seventh-minute penalty. There were some inside the stadium who were unsure of whether or not it counted, but a close-up of Zidane’s face shows that his conviction never wavered. For circumstance, cheek, personnel and execution, this is one of the best penalties ever taken. MB

4) Darren Anderton, England v Sweden (1995)

In 1995, England were on a vertical learning curve, halfway between a dismal World Cup qualifying campaign and hosting the next European Championship. The Umbro Cup, a friendly tournament designed to road-test Euro 96’s regional venues, did not appear the ideal tonic – but stepping away from Wembley did the trick. Since the 1966 World Cup, England had played every home game in London, hoping that the magic of the most famous off-the-bar goal of them all would return. Instead, it was a notoriously luckless player who rediscovered the spirit of Wembleytor, at a ground 190 miles away.

England were 3-2 down to Sweden at Elland Road when Alan Shearer nodded a long ball into the path of Darren Anderton. His half-volley landed on target by a hair’s breadth, and fate took care of the rest. Anderton’s shot hit Thomas Ravelli’s right-hand post, flew across the goal-line, and dropped kindly in off the left post. In real time, the effect is uncanny, the ball vanishing from the net before reappearing in the other corner, moving at the same trajectory. Ravelli’s stuttering double take is the icing on the cake.

Anderton’s freak equaliser – one he couldn’t repeat if he tried – proved a turning point for England, who brought a long unbeaten run back to Wembley. It all ended in tears, of course, but that summer England produced some of their best ever attacking football, with Anderton, a player who sadly became defined by his injuries, playing an integral part. NM

5) Juan Sebastián Véron, Lazio v Verona (1999)

Lazio already had an outrageously talented squad by the time Juan Sebastián Verón arrived from Parma for £18m in the summer of 1999. Stars including Alessandro Nesta, Pavel Nedved, Marcelo Salas, Diego Simeone, Sinisa Mihajlovic, Fabrizio Ravanelli, Dejan Stankovic, Roberto Mancini, Fernando Couto, Sérgio Conceição and Alen Boksic, managed by Sven-Goran Eriksson, had won both the Supercoppa and the Cup Winners’ Cup in 1998-99 but lost out on the Scudetto by a single point to Milan. Now, with Verón in 1999-00, Lazio would go on to have the greatest season in their history, in their centennial year, doing the league and cup double.

For all the existing flair and ability, Verón was the jewel in their crown and immediately assigned to free-kicks, corners and penalties. He slotted in seamlessly: a man-of-the-match performance in his first competitive appearance – the Uefa Super Cup victory over Manchester United – would convince Sir Alex Ferguson to spend £28m and bring him to Old Trafford, and it took all of four minutes for Verón to score in his first league match. But his best goal came in November against Verona, curling a corner straight into Sébastien Frey’s net. Verón had sent a couple of warning shots, two earlier corners causing havoc in the six-yard box, before a third evaded everything but the inside of the back post. Frey was no mug, a France international, but, dumbfounded by pace and whip, could not be faulted in watching the ball arch a full three yards out from the byline before boomeranging back under his crossbar.

Verona would have their vengeance, defeating Lazio 1-0 in March to leave Sven’s men nine points behind Carlo Ancelotti’s Juventus in the title race with just eight games remaining. But Lazio, led by Verón, would recover their poise and those points to secure a second Scudetto, 26 years after their first. MB

6) Claus Jensen, Arsenal v Charlton (2001)

Claus Jensen scored only one league goal in the 2001-02 season, but he made it count. His brilliant finish at Highbury came out of nowhere, putting Charlton 3-1 up in a game they might have lost by a cricket score, the highlight of an 18-minute, four-goal counter-attacking clinic that the away fans christened Black Sabbath.

The build-up was entirely their opponents’ fault, as Patrick Vieira lumbered in possession from an Arsenal throw-in, allowing Jonatan Johansson to jimmy the ball loose. It bobbled into Jensen’s path, the Danish midfielder deftly dribbling into a crossing position. So far, so unremarkable – but Jensen must have sensed this was Charlton’s day. The visitors were already in front thanks to Richard Wright palming a free-kick into his own net, and Jensen saw the chance to crank up the pressure. He took it with aplomb, steering a chip over Vieira’s outstretched leg, and far beyond the unfortunate Wright.

The Clock End, packed with bewildered home fans and disbelieving away fans, awaited the outcome. The ball dropped right on cue, clipping the bar before pinging off the far post and into the net. The upright served as a signal: Wright abandoned his forlorn pursuit, and the crowd got busy either celebrating or remonstrating, depending on their allegiance. The Guardian match report tells a grimly familiar story of “defensive errors at one end, wastefulness at the other” for Arsenal, but this time they learned their lesson. Arsène Wenger’s side lost just once more all season and went on to win the Double. As for Charlton fans, they are entitled to wonder if things will ever be this good again. NM