OPINION - I’ve been a special adviser — there are far too many poshos in the job

The one silver lining about “partygate” is that we’re all learning a lot about politics. And how cake can ambush you. So do look out. We all remember that time. Sir Winston Churchill was pounced on by a couple of French Fancies and a giant Colin the Caterpillar singing Happy Birthday in the Cabinet Room. I’m still surprised that scene was dropped from Darkest Hour. It reminded me of Ed Balls’s five-point flan for jobs and growth.

We’ve recently had a crash course in the dark arts of the Whips’ Office. Accounts range from whips offering nothing more than gentle pastoral care to tales of MPs getting grabbed by their political kumquats in the voting lobbies. It’s probably somewhere in the middle. Another aspect of the murky world of Westminster is the role of the special advisers, known as Spads. Spads have been the subject of intrigue, suspicion and contempt for a while now. From the days of Alastair Campbell under New Labour to the explosive era of Dominic Cummings. Spads are political appointments and while you often don’t know their names, they can wield a huge amount of influence.

They are also heavily bound up in this story of a dysfunctional, out-of-control culture in Downing Street. I did a feature on the role of Spads (having been one myself) on my Times Radio show and one of my listeners asked if the system is still fit for purpose. Looking at the current state of politics, I would say not.

Spads can and should fill an important role. But it feels like there are very few grown up advisers around the Prime Minister or senior Cabinet ministers. We hoped for The West Wing. We would settle for The Thick of It. But today’s No 10 feels more like Made in Chelsea with non-stop socials, DJs and suitcases of booze. Even the senior advisers seem to have a casual and highly entitled approach. It was alleged that the chief of staff (aka Dad Spad) told a meeting of advisers yesterday not to worry about the police probe into the No 10 party scene, saying: “At worst it will be like getting a fixed penalty fine for speeding; nothing to worry about.”

If this is true, it is grossly irresponsible and an alarming insight into the culture at Downing Street. The role, professionalism and conduct of advisers should be looked at by all parties. There should be more formal recruitment processes instead of appointing bag carriers, mates or people you fancy. It should be widened to more than posh, well-connected, mainly white young men and women.

We need calm, wise individuals with actual life experience, not just puppy-like loyalty. Let’s get some older people (including women with children) in from different walks of life. And there needs to be proper training and management. But having said all that, you can hire the best and the brightest but the culture — particularly in Downing Street — is set from the very top.

In other news...

Boris could learn a thing or two from Rabbie Burns

Someone once said to me: “to be Scottish is a gift” and I always feel myself swell with pride about my birthplace — the outskirts of Glasgow. Especially around Burns Night.

I went to a storming shindig at the weekend with all the trimmings: haggis, neeps, tatties, tablet and very good whisky. There was an address to the haggis (I know it’s Veganuary — there were other options) plus the coolest female bagpipe player I’ve ever seen. By the end of the evening, I sounded like a drunk Lorraine Kelly.

There were, of course, plenty of fine words from Rabbie Burns, and here’s a line from the poem To a Louse, which feels particularly apt right now: “O wad some power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!”

Remind you of anyone?

Do you think the Spad system is fit for purpose? Let us know in the comments below.