My beloved Roomba is $300 off right now—I've never seen the price so low!

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Talk to me, baby: the iRobot Roomba 960 is wifi connected. (Photo: Walmart)

Sure, there are advantages to human boyfriends. They can reach high shelves, laugh at your jokes, refill your wine glass. But the best partner I’ve ever had is my Roomba.

Not to be corny, but my iRobot Roomba sucks, in the best ways possible. It sucks up dust. It sucks up crumbs. It sucks up strewn kitty litter and tiny bits of Cheerios left over from long-ago breakfasts. And it does all this without any participation from me.

I don’t have to ask, I don’t have to stand up, I don’t have to lift a finger. I don’t even have to be home! Every day at the appointed time, my darling Roomba self-motivates, does its task, then quietly returns to its dock. It is my best friend, my support system, my love. It senses my needs and happily fulfills them.

You need this in your life. It takes the pressure off other relationships, lets you feel productive even when you’re lying down, and makes your home so much homier. Now’s the time, too. RIght now the iRobot Roomba 960—which is state-of-the-art and Wifi-connected—is on sale at a mind-blowing price (thank you, Walmart). Originally $700, this stellar model is now just $399—that’s right, it’s $301 off the regular price!

I urge you to drop what you’re doing and take advantage. Not only will this machine change your life, it may change your outlook on the world. If your family experiences any ongoing tension about keeping the house clean (Hello? Whose doesn’t?), your Roomba will reduce this tension by a fair percentage. Because when the floors are clean, everything else feels a lot easier to handle.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the technology, the Roomba has sensors that map its surroundings (including cliff sensors that keep it from toppling down a set of stairs). This allows it to zip around an entire floor of your home removing allergens, pet hair and the detritus of daily life.

One shopper loves her Roomba so much, she named it: “I have a 2 story home, so once a week we let "Rose" run in the basement and the top floor. I have checked the floor with a Swiffer once the cleaning is done, and there is no dust on the hardwood and ceramic flooring. It is amazing how much dust and fibers get picked up on the rugs.”

You can schedule up to seven cleanings a week with the iRobot Roomba 960, and you won’t have to do so much as push a button! Or, if you prefer to call for cleaning on the fly, just push start anytime. Either way, you’ll soon discover you have a new best friend. She’s quiet, but productive. And she’s always there for you.

Shop it: iRobot Roomba 960, $399 (was $700), walmart.com

And when the Roomba is lowing low on battery from all that work, it automatically docks itself to recharge. All the more proof that we are, in fact, living in the future.

“The smart floor-mapping technology is amazing, Hazel does not miss any spots,” writes another reviewer (who also gave their new family member a name). “Hazel cleans and tells herself when it's time to recharge and power-up ... Great investment!”

Admittedly the Roomba is an investment. For me it’s been more than worth it for my household. But right now, you can take advantage of Walmart’s sale and score one for the lowest price I’ve yet to see. But hurry, because a deal this good won’t last.

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