Yahoo News So You Wanna Be a White House Correspondent?
The following dream job listing is comprised entirely of insults from the President of the United States, mostly sourced from Twitter, and does not reflect the views of Esquire. Sad!
Attention, totally biased losers! A charter member of the Fake Media (not Real Media)-is now hiring an incompetent clown for its publication, preferably with credentials from a seriously failing newspaper which is getting worse and worse by the day, or one which has been very unfair to Trump.
Based in a disaster city that is totally out of control, this position is perfect for a discredited and highly inaccurate dummy with a total agenda who is passionate about knowingly writing lies in a fraudulent manner.
If you live and breathe fake news, you'll fit right in on this underachieving team of major sleazes and buffoons, in addition to losers and low-class slobs.
Day-to-day duties include going out of your way to distort the truth, refusing to talk about three new national polls that have Trump in first place, and generally being a dumb guy without a clue. We're looking for a lightweight reporter with at least five years experience in pushing false narratives and a proficiency in writing total fiction in a nasty tone while covering Trump inaccurately.
Our ideal candidate will have demonstrated that he or she is highly overrated and should have been fired a long time ago. Having a major inferiority complex is a plus; you'll fit in perfectly at this malicious and libelous publication.
This laughingstock rag's mission is simple: It boldly seeks to produce childishly written, sad, and irrelevant content that reporters never even call to fact-check in service of a dwindling base of ultra liberal subscribers and readers.
There's never been a better time to be a journalist. Complaints are at a 15-year high, with forced apologies to subscribers for poor reporting. If you wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the face, and your predictions are always wrong, our money-losing publication wants to speak to you soon.
This dying tabloid is an equal opportunity employer; we do not discriminate against neurotic dopes or embarrassed losers. We offer a full suite of benefits even though we're bleeding red ink and have lost our way.
This year we're getting worse. We're in total disarray with almost everyone quitting. We've gone nuts. We're so biased. We need big help fast. Apply today!
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