The Apprentice Week 11 recap: Lies, swimsuits and soft porn

Well, it’s week 11 of The Apprentice. And we’ve got rid of the ‘weak eleven.’ Now there are no more tasks, no more distractions, just some serious examination of the candidates’ business plans.

Which, really, should have happened in Week one, but still…

While we’ve seen the last of the tasks there’s still one Apprentice tradition that continues: the subtle foreshadowing from the editing team.

So we have Khadija saying she’ll get ‘borderline’ aggressive. And then insisting that she’s not aggressive – really aggressively.

And Sîan and Khadija vowing that they won’t cry.

Let’s see how that works out.

You’ve made donuts and chocolates, now lets see how you deliver parcels

First the Apprentice candidates have to ‘bring their business plans first thing tomorrow.’ What time is first thing? That depends on if you’re (say) a shepherd or (for argument’s sake) a nut milk producer.

Speaking of which, Camilla may well have won quote of the episode with “It’s so good to have nuts back in my life…I’ve missed them.”

Oh wait. Maybe not. Because now she’s said “That must be good luck, being covered in nut juice.”

The candidates travel all the way to the city, hand over a folder with their business plan in it, and then…uh…go home again.

Couldn’t they have just popped it on a bike?

The candidates have had months, in some cases years, to hone their business plans, but Lord Sugar’s team of four business advisors – Mike Soutar, Claudine Collins, Claude Littner and Linda Plant – immediately find gaping holes in all of them.

Sîan’s valuable magazine contacts turn out to be hopelessly out of date, Khadija’s forcast of her profit margin seems based in wildest fantasy, Sabrina’s business comes across as more of a lucrative hobby and Camilla seems to be more or less obsessed with soft porn as a marketing strategy.

Daniel, and the power of positive thinking

The standout, though, is Daniel who strays well over the lines of ‘standard business hype’ and ‘wishful thinking’ and ends up deep in ‘outright lies’ territory.

Credit to him, though, he refuses to admit that he’s been rumbled and keeps insisting to the other candidates that his interviews are all going swimmingly.

One particular highlight – Daniel insisting that Claude will shake his hand…

Oh, and Claudine Collins calling him a ‘prize imbecile.’

And him insisting “I feel liberated, I feel good” after yet another interview savaging.

And him not being sure whether Australia might be in Asia or not.

Daniel is detached from reality. Coasting through this competition without merit, making spurious claims in his business plan and just generally resorting to distortions. DO NOT PUT HIM IN THE FINAL #TheApprentice

— Andrew Fogarty (@AndrewFogartyUK) December 12, 2018

That famous non-aggression

Everyone else played true to type too. Khadija got into a full-on argument with Linda.

And then she cried. And then Sîan cried. And then Daniel welled up a bit too.

The Apprentice: Taxi time

And so to the boardroom. My pick to win, Sabrina, was first out so that shows you how much I know about the Apprentice.

Then Khadija went.

Then…pausing only for Sîan to berate the other two remaining candidates for not having such humble origins as wet… Daniel went as well.

So our finalists are swimsuit designer Sîan and nut milk enthusiast and soft porn impresario Camilla.

Who do you think will walk away with the prize?

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