Where Does Eastenders Keep Going Wrong?

After waking up rather abruptly this morning, I heard on the radio that Buster Briggs from Eastenders is leaving the show. Whilst I can’t pretend that Buster (Mick Carter’s father and Shirley’s…boyfriend?) was some great addition to the show, I actually really liked him. He was a marmalade character though. You will have some Monday but not for a week or so and you didn’t miss it or think about it once.

To get back to the point of this article, where does this long-running and wildly popular show keep going wrong? Some fantastic unknown/known British talent has walked through the doors of the Queen Vic yet so many of the same faces leave less than a year or two later. Not only that, recently, popular characters have left the soap sooner than expected.

Last week, viewers were shocked by the sudden and brutal homophobic death of Paul Coker, Ben Mitchell’s boyfriend and the grandson of Les and Pam Coker. The Cokers arrived in Walford only 13 months ago and already Jonny Labey has left the soap.

Not long ago, another very well liked character left after only a short while. Nancy Carter played by Maddy Hill departed from the show to travel the world with unlikely boyfriend Tamwar Masood after less than two years in Walford. Can we blame Maddy? No. No we can’t because the truth is that at any given time, the soap has more characters than they know what to do with and more characters than they can write about.

Let’s look at three reasons why the soap keeps getting it wrong:

1. Eastenders’ outlandish/unnecessary storylines (that can’t be contained) including:

- Denise having sex with Fatboy
Whilst we all know that Fatboy (played by Ricky Norwood) was fired from the show due to video being seen of him smoking marijuana online, make no mistake, Fatboy was a fan favourite. I loved Fatboy’s character. His sweet side with Dot, funny side with his friends and genuine, caring nature had viewers crying and tweeting the BBC when he ‘died’ last year. One of the most…random storylines however was when he and Denise entered into a fling. What was that about scriptwriters? Can we add this to the fact that Denise slept with Phil?We’ve all been a bit bored and looking for love but this storyline just made no sense… though yes it’s true, there’s something wildly attractive about Fatboy…

- Libby is pregnant
Again, let’s not pretend that when Libby Fox (played by Belinda Owusu) left for Oxford back years ago, we remembered her for very long. Her slightly simpering but very wet demeanour was a tiresome thing after a while as well as her inability to see past the fact that her mother Denise suffered at the hands of her father Owen. When Libby made a surprise appearance early on in the year to get an abortion, it was totally out of the blue. In my opinion, it wasn’t a necessary storyline. Yes, it can happen but was it relevant?

- Belinda Peacock (nee Slater) returns to the Square
Unnecessary. Whilst it was very sad that Charlie Slater - the bumbling, innocent and kindly great-uncle to Stacey and father to Lynne, Kat, Mo and Belinda Slater - passed away, for some reason Belinda became a series regular after Buster Briggs and Lee Carter broke into her home to steal Koi Carp and then her husband tried to get Mick and Linda involved in couples swinging and then she decides to leave her marriage and move in with Stacey in Walford and etc etc. Yet to add any real value to the Slater/Fowler clan, there’s still time for her to make her mark….we guess

- Lucy Beale’s death
When it was announced that Lucy Beale would be killed in a whodunnit storyline, viewers were a mix of confusion and excitement. Some were excited because they love a murder mystery and some were confused because was it necessary to kill Lucy? Couldn’t she have just left and gone to Spain like everybody else does in this soap? Clearly not and Lucy Beale was killed in April 2014 and found on Walford Common. It also came out that she was sleeping with Max as well as Lee…and was taking drugs. Whilst Lucy being killed was a bit OTT it was nothing (NOTHING) compared to the next two years that unfolded with the bizarre manhunt for the killer. Two years of whodunnit questions and accusations. Two years of Ian Beale crying at the drop of a hat (understandable but it wore off and got tired after a while) and two years of hearing about nothing but Lucy Beale and how sweet she was (lies). When we finally found out it was Bobby Beale, it was just too damn much. Her younger brother knocked her over the head with a jewellery box and that was it? Which brings me to the next outlandish storyline

- Bobby Beale killed Lucy Beale
No. I’m sorry but in the two years since this storyline began, I’ve had trouble accepting it. So has the internet with the kind of memes that have you leaving your work desk to take a “walk”. The police inspected the house a mere few days afterwards and yet there was no blood? Maybe I’ve watched too many American shows but when someone get’s killed by blunt force trauma, there’s usually blood. No blood was at the scene? Nobody noticed that Jane was carrying a very heavy object to the Common (dead bodies weigh twice as much)? Come on! And Bobby Beale killed her with a jewellery box? If this makes sense to you, answers on a postcard to my office

- Max Branning and DC Emma Summerhayes
In Eastenders, balding, uneventful father of three Max Branning pulls women faster than I buy a shirt in the summer sale. With a few choice words, a glass of hard liquor and a sideways Droopy Dog look, Max beds them, moves them in and has an affair with someone else. It’s not believable. Not every woman will be taken in by Max. This time though, it was the DC from the very same case he’s a suspect in. Makes the Met Police look a bit sh** don’t you think?

- Heather Trott impregnated by Darren Miller
It….I still need whisky when I think about this story. Heather Trott, another simpering, wetter than the ocean, cheese-loving, George Michael obsessed sidekick for the independent and much more fierce Shirley Carter is impregnated by Darren Miller one night after a drunken quickie in a toilet in a club? Yeah. It…no. It will NEVER be ok. It can NEVER be explained. Nothing you could say would explain it. Just. Dont. Try.

- Ben Mitchell and Abby Branning’s “romance”
Desperation makes people do a lot of things. Makes them spend wildly, take drugs, drink, many frivolous activities. For Abby though, a father who was accused of murder and a mother who had managed to escape all judgement for being lackluster was too much and she decided to become the long suffering girlfriend of closeted Ben Mitchell. It was absurd because she could see he was gay. Everyone could. Stevie Wonder could. Rather than retain some form of….self dignity, she gave it away to Ben who was becoming more friendly with Paul. Oh girl. It’s not unknown for this to happen but it was just ridiculous. Oh then the fake pregnancy and losing the baby too. I can’t.

- Roxy Mitchell returns a drug user and dealer
As I write this article, I write it from a place of great student debt. I say this because when you come into some money and you have debt or…smart life choices and a life plan, you save what you can. When Roxy was left all of her father’s money, she spent it as any woman who can only be described as….mentally loose would. Parties. Things. More Things. When she returned from Spain with drugs in her system, a nervous druggy twitch, messy hair and clothes and no desire to see her child, everyone could see this would be a new ridiculous storyline. How did she become a drug user and mule? What happened in Spain? Why is this happening now? Why has she returned? Why!?

- Andy (Danielle’s brother) can’t just ask Ronnie about his sister’s death
*Eyeroll* It took several shirtless body shots, intense eyebrow raising, sneaking around, coming on to Stacey and the like before it was even hinted that Andy would be talking to Ronnie Mitchell (Branning?) about his sister’s death. It took that long for us to even know who he was and what he wanted. In this soap universe, people can be picked up and accepted like strays and nobody ask any questions. You never thought to ask Andy what his past was and not just accept, “it’s complicated”? Tireless, boring storyline.

- Kathy Beale coming back from the dead
Guess who’s back. Back again. Kathy’s back, tell a friend. With a new man and a new issue. Hmmmmm. This one is long. Cathy, mother of Ben and Ian was dead but then not dead. And then she came back but only Phil knew. Then Ian was teased about it and then found out. Then he forgave her quickly then she settled in and then it went wrong and then Gavin came back and then somehow it was revealed Gavin was Sharon’s dad and it got longer….

These example ridiculous storylines lead into the next reason as to why Eastenders get it wrong:

2. Lack of any material

In the last five years, there have been outlandish storylines as listed above but there has also been a lack of anything for some of the characters to do. Eastenders script writers tend to have a major problem that has become a sad never ending cycle.

Announce new character -> character ends up in a ridiculous/horrifying storyline after only three months -> character problem is resolved after a fiery Christmas/anniversary/special episode and the dust settles OR it drags on over several months before it all comes tumbling out and someone nearly dies in a house fire/drowning and everything is fine -> nothing is said about the now fine character for several months and they fall into nothingness.

The most hardcore Eastenders fans have had issues with this. It’s almost like the writers of Eastenders have one thing in mind for their storyline writing process: winning awards.

Let me finish. It is one thing to write a storyline so perfect it resonates inside you and makes you cry/think/laugh/gain closure for the benefit of giving the actors a true chance to stretch their wings and do justice to the soap they are in. It’s another thing to write storylines that miiiiiiiiiight just work even though they are totally bananas, throw them into the ether and hope you get something for your troubles like an award for best soap or best soap death or whatever. Baby abductions, wife abductions and the like. ‘Great idea Dom. So kewl!’

Eastenders finds themselves letting great characters sit on the sidelines as they bring in these other stupid, time consuming storylines. Sometimes, viewers hear first hand from the departing cast member why they are leaving and it’s usually to pursue Hollywood (because acting in Eastenders is the ultimate Hollywood test said nobody ever), find pastures new, tread the boards in theatre or because it’s just not working. In some cases, actors have had nothing to go on to but I can imagine that the idea of being a soap sideline for the next six months, is a bit too much. That tends to lead to the unexpected soap departure.

Unexpected soap departures are ten a penny on TV but all of them come with the same leaving statement: “it was life changing….had the best time…worked with the best people….it’s never ever goodbye….it was time to go for now…I could return, the door is wide open….I want to spend time with family…explore new options…dip my feet into new waters…crack America” etc

3. Things are going too well
Things are going too well. Things WERE going too well. Ben and Paul were happy?! Nope. Jay had a girlfriend and was happy? Nope. Lola and Jay were happy? Nope. Linda and Mick happy? Nope.

So many storylines are born from characters having a life too normal. It’s rumoured that the executive producer of Eastenders, Dominic Treadwell-Collins once said that nobody wants to watch happy storylines. NOT TRUE. I would happily watch happiness over the bitterness. It’s too much. Every week it’s something else.

Things were going well and yet, it was going too well believe the script writers.

Mick and Linda Carter barely had time to finish putting up the pink flamingo wallpaper when Linda was unexpectadly the victim of sexual assault by brother in law, Dean Wicks. Bianca Butcher had barely settled back into the Square with her children when Whitney became a victim of sexual exploitation after being a victim of sexual abuse. Paul, Pam and Les had barely had time to stretch their legs under the kitchen table when Paul was killed. Stacey and Martin were happy together and then Stacey had her breakdown. Stacey and Bradley had only been married a few hours when Bradley died. The Brannings had just moved here when Max cheated. Denise and Kevin were happy then he died. It goes on and on.

There are over 100 more examples of characters being too happy to continue living.

Paul Coker and Ben Mitchell could have been a fantastic couple, one of few on the show (Sonia and….Naomi and Christian and Syed for example) but you can hazard a guess at where that would have gone. Ben might have cheated, Paul might have cheated. Phil would have said something explosive that pulls the two apart. Then the four month character silence. Meh.

Buster could have been a great grandfather to Lee’s new child. Carol Jackson could have helped Sonia in her breast cancer scare. Fatboy could have just stayed. Claudette could have just not been a cow. Lucas could have been sane. Lucy didn’t have to die. Les didn’t need to be blackmailed by Aunt Babe.

Stop bringing back unnecessary people, scriptwriters. It’s not helping.

You may have finished reading this and think I’ve lost the plot. But I haven’t so to summarise, until Eastenders script writers get it right, the actual glue that holds this show together will keep coming unstuck and not only will great characters keep having to leave because their actors can’t take a dull soap life anymore but the storylines will keep getting it worse.

Sort it out.